Her Hair
My daily bus ride from Pulchowk to Kadaghari has been serving me a bunch of different cuisines, from encounters with brilliant professors and weird philosophers to a near about cold war for the Mahila seat. Yes, the infamous Mahila seat: a privileged seat offered to us ladies for our comfort which the gentlemen have to gentlemanly leave after one of us arrives, even if they need it more. We will talk about it some other day. Moving on, I am dedicating this piece of writing to the dear conductor daju, who was kind enough to ask me to make space for his other passengers. Other conductors don’t bother to ask; they just push you. He was different. He was polite. ‘Dai, alikati uta sarnu na hai’ were his exact words.
The polite conductor was not the first one to address me as ‘Dai’ in a public vehicle. I have had short hair, almost all my adult life, and my choice of clothes are not exactly feminine. My hair is usually in a ponytail, which doesn’t help my attire look ladylike. So, I really don’t blame people who confuse me for a guy. I, kind of, want to blame the society that created this stereotype. As a human being living in a ‘well-functioning’ society, there are plenty of ‘conventions’ that bug me. I will be focusing on hair for this time.
The relationship between women and long hair is an ancient one. In Hindu mythology, unbound unruly hair represents wild nature and ‘untamed’ sexual energy, while well oiled and combed hair represents culture. That is why the wild Kali’s hair is unbound while the domestic Parvati’s hair is well bound. In the Mahabharata, Draupadi’s unbound hair represents her fury. This representation is not limited to Hindu mythology. Research has shown that even during the period of Greeks and Romans, women had longer hair than men. A man devoting too much attention to his hair risked scorn for appearing “effeminate”. This kind of association is still seen in our ‘modern’ society.
Thick and long tresses define femininity. The hair is supposed to be well-bound and maintained because it reflects who you are. If you think about cutting it short, be prepared for a bunch of questions. ‘Did you have a breakup?’ ‘Are you protesting for something?’ ‘Is this your way of coming out of the closet?’ No, it is not. It is because I want to have short hair. Following our age-old traditions, books and movies have glorified women with longer hair. The novels describe female lead as beautiful with silky strands of hair and whatnot. The films have hundreds of songs dedicated to ‘jhulfen’, ‘latt’ and ‘kesh’. Our hero is wholly smitten when our heroine’s hair sways, welcoming the artificial breeze. All of this may seem poetic, but it is problematic. It sets a standard for what every woman’s hair is supposed to look like in your subconscious. Thus begins the first step of objectification.
I wouldn’t say that I haven’t been attracted by the silky straight hair complimenting the beautiful summer dresses or the shiny luscious curls bouncing on the shoulders of some ladies. I can see the amount of work that has gone into making it look like that, and I appreciate the effort. I also know that they seem beautiful because I have a picture of what is ‘beautiful’ carved in my subconscious.
We have flaws in our traditions, and the way things are right now is definitely not ideal. Despite the shortcomings, things are not entirely downhill. People have become more accepting of a myriad of hairstyles, more so to the shorter ones. I have heard stories of many women who spend a significant amount of their income every month tending to their hair. And, most of them get tired after some time because they realize all of this is not worth the effort. I have seen a couple of advertisements for hair products which are supposed to be for ‘all kinds’ of hair. Women have started embracing their hair types. And, I am hopeful that our society will follow the lead soon after.
When I replied ‘huncha’ to the conductor, he smiled and said ‘ae, didi po hunuhudo raicha’. Well, that was something. The silver lining is that things are not stagnant, but we sure can do better. It is going to take some time for everyone to be accepting, so till then the best we can do is love the hair we have rather than trying to fit in the stereotype.